Wish I Had Known Time Would Go So Fast

That’s it; there is no turning back now. I officially have a child in the 8^th grade. When did that happen? Where did the time go? I woke up this morning thinking; I remember bringing her home from the hospital, being afraid of what the future would bring us. It would be just mother & daughter, just her and I. Me wanting to protect her and give her everything I had growing up and more. Looking at her big brown eyes and apologizing for having her so young and not needing a fortune-teller to tell me our future would have a lot of road bumps. But promising to give her all I am, and to love her like no one else would or could.

Those days seem so long ago. I raised her; I haven’t missed one minute of her life yet I find myself sometimes forgetting memories. Or having to look at a photo album because it seems like 12 years went by in 2 years. Its like I went from giving birth to her to her now starting her first day of 8^th grade. I feel like I didn’t cherish her younger years as much as I should have. Being a single mom and working to support her was definitely my priority. Making sure she wasn’t affected by the choices I made by having her at such a young age. Now that time is gone and I cannot get it back. I feel cheated, I feel like she was cheated.

As I sit here and reflect on the past 12 years I have to remember that I cannot change the past, as much as I would have liked to do a few things different I have to remember the sacrifices and decisions I made were all in the best interest of my child. If I hadn’t made some of those decisions our situation could be completely different now. I am a firm believer that you cannot always think for the “you right now” you have to think for the “future you”. I certainly made A LOT of mistakes not always concerning my child but definitely concerning myself. I didn’t take as much care of myself as I did her but me 12 years ago thought as long as she was okay that’s all that mattered. Me today would definitely tell you that if you’re not okay your child probably isn’t okay. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your children especially if you’re a single mother. Our kids rely on us and expect us to be there for them and just like we can’t imagine life without them they can’t imagine life without us. I learned the hard way that not caring about my well-being did in fact affect my kids, but I caught on early enough to make a change and that’s exactly what I did.

So while I would love to get a few years back I am eternally grateful to have woken up this morning to see my daughter enter into the 8^th grade. She can definitely be a handful, I mean she is about to be a legit teenager in three months but she is my heart & soul. Every mistake I have made and will make I can look at her big browns eyes and feel at peace, feel like I am doing something right. She makes me feel like an amazing mother even when she dislikes me (which it happening more & more might I add). I am so proud of her and I’m excited to be apart of the next stages of her life. I plan on slowing things down and cherishing the years to come.